Old Blog, New Life

Chateau de Versailles - April 7th, 2012

An amazing amount of events have manifested into reality pour moi in only the last 6 months of my life (okay I've only be around for 19years but, still it's pretty cOoL!). It was only a short while ago, that I remember using this blog as a vice to spit my complaints about my hometown, et maintenant j'habite a Paris! It's bizarre and beautiful how life twists and turns, creating chaos in the moment, and clarity in hindsight.

My December 2011 was undoubtedly crazy, or at least it seemed so due to the fact that I heightened the emotion of anxiety, feeling so close to freedom, yet chained to my nest. On December 15, word was out that my employment contract had been signed by the French government, so it would only be days till it was sent to the family to send to me. By December 18th (my 19th Birthday!) I was in Vancouver with my Sister & Dad enjoying the melodic and wild energy of Dinosaur Jr at the legendary Commodore Ballroom. C'etait fantastique! 48hours later my Christmas Vacation began on the scenic and serene coastline of Mexico's Playa del Carmen. By the 27th, I was heading back to Vancouver, and during my holiday (thanks to the internet) the French employment document was sent to my Mother in Kelowna, then sent to Vancouver to my Aunt so that on the morning of December 28th, I would be able to meet my Aunt infront of the French Consulate with the papers and attend my Visa appointment with the French Consulate. To be honest I'm suprised there weren't any delays with the package getting from one place to the other since it was Christmas, the busiest time of year. And by noon of December 28th, I was walking away from the French consulate hoping that my Visa would be ready by January 2nd, since my plane ticket was for January 3rd, I was begging on my knees that somehow in someway the universe would cut the preparation time of the Visa from up to 10days to 2days. When I arrived home on December 28th, I just didn't have the energy to obsess about the visa anymore. I applied for my visa and my application was accepted. I did what I needed to do, so I just got to let it ride and trust that it will all work out. On December 30th, I received a call from the Consulate stating my visa was ready for pick up on January 2nd between 1-2pm. I couldn't believe it, I screamed, dropped the phone, and ran to my mom and picked her up! It was really happening. Everything was finally coming together. The evening I celebrated by enjoying the craziness of my first bar experience at the Corral avec ma soeur et ses amis, the next morning my Mother's friend Brenda, who is a spiritual teacher came for a visit, all the while this was happening I was planning my New Year festivities up at the local ski-hill! After I found a place to stay, and convinced my best friend to come and join me, I just couldn't help but be grateful for having such a radical life! Everything was happening, at what felt like, full speed. At the time, and even now I can't even wrap my mind around the abundance of events, those last 4 days in Kelowna were a whirlwind of haze. January 2nd, the visa was aquired, my nerves had settled at least I assumed they would once I had that document in my hand but my chest became tense with an emotion I still cannot accurate describe, nor was there any relief in the feeling. Perhaps it was fear, anxiety and stress, I think it was all of those things, but whats the reason? Isn't it normal to feel this way since I was moving forward, departing from my nest, amidst a grand transition in my so incubated life? Or perhaps this was a sign? My body, my instincts rejecting the events that were about to play out in only a matter of hours? It's all too confusing, so I did my best to push aside, afterall maybe the answer would become clear in time. Meanwhile my tastebuds savoured the delicious melody of flavours in the last Triple O's hamburger I would be eating for a year or perhaps longer. I deserved this moment, not only was I leaving friends and family, but the grand North American tradition of fast-food quality hamburger-making; Triple O's. And lest we forget the greatest gas station/convienent store: 7/11. Every Canadian understands and appreciates the contribution 7/11 has made to the culture and country of the great North. I was leaving all of this behind,  (no wonder my body was in anxious agony). The morning of January 3rd came rolling around, I was ready (or at least I pretended to be). I was treading the water of sadness trying to keep afloat, I almost drowned when my sister claimed she wouldn't be at the airport to wave me off. Our relationship has always been bumpy, but I wanted her to be there for me, to see her one last time before I disappear for a while. It was only my gracious mother and me. One last time to see each-other face to face, warmed by each-others embrace, until we shall meet again in another time and place. Adieu, ce voyage est pour moi tout seul.

Exactly 4months to the day (120 days ago) I was in Vancouver, then in Toronto, and then finally leaping off of Canadian soil, and landing on French; Parisienne soil, to be exact. I can't explain the frenzy of feelings I felt when the taxi driver arrived at the final destination. 'This is it, this is really happening!!" Nevermind how long it took and how much dye I've had to use to hide the grey hairs I've acquired, this is REAL. Up the petit ascenseur, I was face-to-face with the apartment door. The place where I would be calling home for the next 365 days. It couldn't get any more real than this, smiling inside and out, feeling nervous yet curious my finger sounded the alarm, 'La nouvelle nounou c'est ici!' 

This was the beginning of my adventure in France. The transistion, as the door opened, and I walked through the door, I was leaving my past and accepting the challenge that lay ahead. At the time, my mind was not clear to comprehend the significance of these first breathes in France. My cranium was crunk, under a daze and haze of illusion. Making my mind unable to connect to my body's sober instinct. These past 120 days have been rough yet rewarding. I've learned to be patient; taking one day at a time, my relationships with myself, family & friends are of the upmost priority in order to sustain a happy & healthy life, being culturally sensitive and understanding other people. Open Mind, Open Heart. Each day brings challenge and adventure, I learn so much each day, I feel as if my mind is a fridge, and the bountiful feast of knowledge I devour each day is confined to a minuscule space, disabling my cranium to digest each bite, from each fruit. So I write. And as it stands there are 120 diary entries on my laptop, documenting the daily happenings of a Canadian girl in Paris.