Arcachon - May 17
Being away from home, it was easier to hide my tears, but so many want to burst out of my eyesockets at once, tears freely fall down my face for minutes. Overwhelming how much change has happened in so little time, yet I feel like I'm not moving fast enough. Last week I travelled to Arcachon with the family. On the train ride towards the Atlantic Coastal city, I couldn't stop myself from looking outside the window, overwhelmed with memories of nostalgia. This is my new family, temporarily. The visit to Arcachon was alot of work, but worth the sweat. The apartment in Paris is the shelter for the machine, but the home in Arcachon is where humans savour the moment, the day, the life. While I walked along the seashore, I burst into tears. Ohh, what memories the sea brought back to me of my happy, healthy childhood of warmth and love from family and friends. How lucky I am to have such beautiful people in my life. These tears are of bliss, not bitterness.
Back to the concrete jungle. Miserable. At least that's how I felt this morning. Although as each day passes I feel more joy in my heart, there is this underlining feeling of distaste that lies at the pit of my stomach. An early morning skype call with my Mother certainly helped relieve my distain for this situation. I'm confused, I'm in a cage. I have all and even more then I need; food, shelter, clothing, a 'family' and friends. I'm healthy, I'm safe, and I'm well taken care of. And I'm building a stronger connection with the family each day. I live in a prestigious arrondissement, in one of the coolest and grandest cities in the world, dense with art, food, history and culture. It's a paradise for a curious nose like mine. I've moved up, down, and all around this city by foot, by bus, by train. Yet, my mind, my body, my spirit is not whole. Where is my light that flickers in the dark night? Where is my passion, my love, my curiousity, my motivation, my positivity that consistently travelled with me everywhere I went? Did I leave it in Kelowna, or must I wait longer to let these emotions run through my veins again. I'm in a cage of confusion. I don't want to stay miserable dans la ville de la lumiere, but I don't want to be happy in familiarity. My mind. My mind. My mind.
My greatest fear is that I will look back onto this experience and think "Why did I waste so much time being unhappy?"
I'm in control of my choices, and my attitude. I take responsibility and accept the way that things are. I can't help the way I feel, and I don't want to control my emotions. It's a learning experience, I'm building character and taking one day at a time. It's not as bad as it seems.
26 May, mes amies et moi allons a Giverny. I've done some research on the wonderful works of Monet. I want to get the most out of my excursion to the beautiful gardens of Giverny. I came across some information that declared the most expensive painting by Monet that was ever sold was for $80million (including fees). It boggles my mind how someone could just have $80million dollar's lying around! That's a ridiculous sum of dough. Yet, if I were an individual who could lead a comfortable life, and not having to work till I died, and still have $80million dollar's lying around, I wouldn't spend it on a painting, I would spend on people. I believe that it's important to share the wealth, so others can be prosperous. I would give it to charities, to college/university students, people who REALLY need a little extra cash and are working hard to achieve there goals. We forget that we're all in this together, living under one roof, and what I do today, effects everyone in some way. People help the People!
VISUALS OF THE DAY
Arcachon - May 19
18th Arr. Paris - May 9th
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