I'm tired, tired of meaning, of purpose, of pretending, of conflict, of frustration, of emotion, of numbness, of ignorance, of participating, of hating, of annoyance, of demanding, of expectations, of seeking reward, of seeking recognition, of self-hate, of money, of value, of disruption, of interruption, of stress, of anxiety, of worry, of self-pity, of victimizing myself, of blindness, of destruction, of corruption, of dis-ease, of pleasing, of complaining, of heart-ache, of taking risk, of fear, of disgust, of disdain, of racism, of sexism, of patriarchy, of advertisements, of capitalism, of communism, of dictatorship, of ego, of independence, of dependance, of neurosis, of judgement, of analysis, of criticism, of perfection (obtaining to), of pressure, of opinions, of bullshit. I'm tired of existence.
I'm ungrateful for the silver plater that my life exists upon. In comparison to someone who struggles with finding shelter, wearing clothes, and eating food, I have nothing to complain about. But still, why do I. Will there ever be more than a fleeting moment in my life where I will find contentment, satisfaction, and fulfillment?
By demanding recognition and reward, it fleetingly fills the ego and hardens the heart. It's never good enough. It will never be good enough. Slow down.
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